BART Station elevators reviewed

As a someone who is profoundly retarded at driving, and who lives in the Boonies, I get to ride the Bay Area Transport System (BART) often, and as a mother of a child in a stroller i get to use the elevators a lot. Woo! Go me! The elevators are a peculiar sub section of the BART, for some reason best know to themselves the Gods that invented BART forgot to put the elevators inside the ticket barriers, thus rendering them available to any old fucker. The people who made America (I think it was Abraham Lincoln and Will Smith) also decided not to bother with public lavatories too much. Anyway here is my review of my favourite BART elevators

Civic Centre – the combo of a lively and diverse group of tramps and twitter employees, make the streets around the Civic Centre an excellent place to buy a nearly new iphone 5, but creates a very stinky BART elevator, the stench of stale piss emanating from every surface. My least favourite: Minus 6.

Powel Street - On the plus side, you get out in the Westfield Centre, so you can easily calm your nerves by having a nice walk around the Hello Kitty shop straight after disembarkation. On the negative side, I have experienced more fresh daytime piss in this elevator than any other. Come on people, there are many unguarded toilets within the Westfield Centre for all your urination needs. Minus 5

Rockridge – Mild stale piss smell, lots of traffic noise and the occasional cheeky bloke claiming to be ex-caping from the BART. Minus 3

Downtown Berkeley – The homeless of Berkeley are of a different class, political, hippies, are they even really homeless or just free from the trappings of society? I don’t know, but they are very friendly and even though there is an underlying piss smell in the BART elevator, someone goes in there on a regular basis and wafts the place out with some incense. Seriously, go in there and have a smell if you don’t believe me. Another plus point is the interesting wheelchair users who frequent the lift. My favourite elevator in the BART system: 2 points.

24th and Mission – Has a disturbingly nice (ish) smell of tamales overlaying the stale piss smell. I’m not a fan: Nil points.

El Cerrito Plaza – My home station. No detectable piss smell, so it should win really, but, it is often out of order, so only 1 point.

Why not have an exciting ride on the BART elevators yourself? Remember to wear wellies!

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