Those awkward questions

Max is in a what I think a lot of people call the why? phase, but for him it is more a general questioning phase. “Aha!” I thought at the beginning of this phase “excellent!”

I love questions and kids do really come up with some brilliant ones, “and I, my clumsy irrepressible fountain of joy,” I thought, “am just the woman to help you find some answers and maybe some more questions.” I was, of course expecting some repetition and some questions about willies and poos etc… But I am not one to shy away from those sorts of topics.

Here is a random sample of Max’s questions from over the past few days Max – Mam, Do you know Lichtenstein?

Me – The Artist?

Max – Yeah.

Me – He does pictures a bit like cartoons? (Max runs off at this point)

Max – Mam, do Ninjas eat dogs?

Me – No, I don’t think so, not many people eat dogs, and ninjas are Japanese so they probably eat Japanese food.

Max – Mam, Ninjas do eat dogs, they roam around the world killing dogs and eating them.

Me – OK

Max – Mam how do hot air balloons get the air in them and get into the air? (I passed that one on to youtube – Thank you internet, it was interesting)

We then get on to loud embarrassing questions in public lavatories, such as, “Mam, why have you got fur instead of a wink wonk?” For better or worse the boy now knows the word pubes and feels very sorry for me because I can’t piss standing up. And when I was pregnant “Mam, how will the baby get out?” Check out my amazing answer; “Well, you know you’ve got a little hole that wee comes out of, and another one that poo comes out of? Well, in between those two, women have another one, which is for babies to come out of.” Max spat out his drink in mirth at that and laughed for about 10 minutes. I don’t think he believed it.

His most challenging questions however have been about where food comes from.

Max: What is bacon made out of?

Me (bacon sandwich in mouth): Er, well its a bit of a pig.

Max:(laughs) Its a pig?

Me: yeah (chews thoughtfully on dead pig) Its a bit of a dead pig. A slice.

Max: You kill the pig? and slice it up?

Me: Well, yeah, well not me, but they do it in a factory.

Max: Bacon is a dead pig?

Me: (going off the sandwich) yeah.

Max: Can I have some?

Over the past few weeks, he has made me seriously reconsider my meat eating stance.

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