If you are a stay at home mam/mom in San Francisco, pretty much every time you visit a playground you will hear tell of The Pre-School Nightmare (unless you only hang out with nannies – which is very possible). Veteren mothers of older children will nod sagely and say “wait ‘til they have to go to elementary school, thats even worse.”
Unfortunately for me I missed out on The Pre-School Nightmare due to my brain being on an extended postnatal vacation in hell. When I woke up and looked around it was over. What it mainly consists of it Pre-School directors making mothers cut off their own arms and raping them with said aputated limb. Its not called The Pre-School Nightmare for nothing. Mothers must research thousands of pre schools and then apply to say, 37. Each one they apply to will either do the arm removal/rape thing or charge $40 – $70 and give the mother a pile of paperwork asking them to commit to several limb amputations per year and to donate blood for painting the preschool. The mother will then hear back from all 37 preschools who will all reject her. Except one, she will be so pathetically grateful to this preschool that she will tell all her friends that it is amazing – her child simply could not do with out it and it is totally worth the $1000 per month she pays for her child to go there for 3 hours a day. He is learning SO much. She is very, very happy to submit to the twice yearly anal rape and her husband loves weeding the preschool garden every weekend.
So, yes, we missed out on that. If you want to take part you must begin the process in the Autumn term before you child is 3. Or for guarenteed fun, in the Autumn term before you child is 2, this is because some schools fill up with children who have been in the lower class and there will be no space for your little on if you try to join when he is 3.
So, Max will have a disadvantage in life, but hey, he’ll also grow up to be a white middle class male in a first world country, so I’m sure he’ll live.